Monday, January 31, 2011

Day 8

One week down.

It's been strange.  I'll tell you that much.
I am sitting here now, trying to watch last week's wrestling.  Can't seem to keep my attention like it used to. Starting to think it's time to move away from the whole wrestling thing. It served it's purpose I think.

Every time in my life I had a really low point, it was wrestling that got me through it. It's like the comfort food of television. The sofa in the basement so to speak where you can hide for a while. 

It's not comforting any more.  That tells me it's time to find something else to love and move away from it for a while.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Day 7

It was one of those days yesterday where I could barely move. My back and left hip were killing me for most of the day.
Then the pressure was gone.  Lovely.  Then the cramps. Damn it!

My period has a mind of it's own. 
This whole early menopause thing is worse then advertised I swear.   I; like most women; keep track of it every month, so what the hell is going on here?  I should not have been due for another week and a half, but yet it shows up early.

I was warned this would/could happen.  That it would start to become slightly mismatched, lasting for a few days extra some months, being shorter on others.   But nearly a full two weeks early? Outrageous !

Oh, and the pain.  I thought my car accident 4 and a half years ago was horror. Broken bones, a walk in the park compared to the damned cramps now.

The insomnia hits every night.  The headaches for no reason some days are killers.  The hot flashes - I don't get them yet knock on wood but I am constantly cold. I can't seem to keep warm no matter what. I roam around my apartment with the heat full blast and still have to have a sweater.  And I have two moods- crying or anger.

This sucks.  And from what I'm told, it could last another eight years.  What the hell? 
And why am I going through this when I'm not even 37 yet? My car accident and the surgery I needed after it kick started it.  So the doctor tells me.  Great lovely wonderful. 

Damn it!  I want ice cream.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Day 6

9:30 on a Saturday morning.

Not much happening yet today.  It snowed overnight, it looks about ankle deep out there.
Checked emails.
Have about 80 pages left to read on the latest book I am doing for review.
Have to try to get to the grocery today so I can make the recipe from the cook book that I am suppose to review. Need photos for that one.
Will have to return a movie I rented for mom. Which in turns means I'll have to see mom.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Day 5

I'm part of a group called Intenders.  You can call it New Age if you want to.  Though everyone comes from different spiritual beliefs and backgrounds.

Not the point, the point is that we were blessed enough to have had an Ojibewe Medicine Man as part of our group.  He split his time between Canada and Mexico. 
We got word yesterday that he passed while in Mexico.

He was an Elder in our community and will be greatly missed.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 4

A favourite movie of mine is  Friends with Money.   It's about a group of friends in their 40's who have made their careers but one. She ends up as a maid.
One of the subplots is would you be friends with someone if you met them at this later stage in your lives and not when you were younger?  The character who makes the comment about this, said no. She has nothing in common anymore with her friend from college who ends up as a maid.

I have been coming back to this scene in the film a fair bit.  I finally had to admit that my longest friendship was not even a real friendship, and it hadn't been for years. 
The question I asked myself out loud in the mirror was "why are we friends?"
My answer was automatic almost not even giving myself a second to breathe -"we're not friends because we're friends. We're friends out of habit"

We met when we were kids, me 7 and her 5.  Our friendship for the first ten years was one that was as close as sisters. Then high school happened. 
Looking back on things now, that should have been the end of it, but it wasn't.  I hung in there. Even when I shouldn't have, I clung on for years. 

In removing myself from as much drama as I can, the last month or so, I had to ask what kind of friend would make constant remarks about my religion, my weight, my career dreams, etc.
The answer was one who isn't really there for me. I also had to admit, that if it wasn't for me making the phone calls, trying to organize visits, etc  there would be no contact between us at all. 

So why was I hanging on to a friendship that was long dead?   Habit I suppose.  This was a 30+ habit that I just had to get over.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Wishcasting Wednesday-Jan 26th

Every week on Jamie Ridler Studios, there is a question put to everyone.  This week's is "What do you wish to enjoy?" 

I had been doing this for awhile over on my main blog, and sort of got away from the group work, but thought it would be perfect for this blog here. 

My life, has been like a damned soap opera the last few years, one of which I have been in the last month, trying to remove myself from. 

So, to answer the question, I wish to enjoy freedom from the drama that has been controlling my life the last 4 years. To enjoy a clean start.

The Slaw of it

Keeping this blog drama free is going to be tough.  Really tough.

I had made a coleslaw yesterday, and took some over to mom's.  Before she even had the fork anywhere near her face she screwed up her nose and said she didn't like it.  She would not even taste it.

I could buy a new plate that she's never seen, make something, put it on the plate and take it over to her place telling her the neighbour made it and she would not stop to breathe as she ate it, all the while telling me how I should be such a good cook as the "neighbour".  Then tell her that I actually made it and she would complain about how it needed this or was too much that and that the dish wasn't as refined as it could be.

I know cause I've actually bought a new bowl she'd never seen and made a casserole and done this.

In the book turned movie Eat Pray Love , one of the comments that the lead character makes is that you need to have a loving support system in your life to be successful. A support system that supports you and that you support. 
I sure as hell do not have that support system.

Day 3

Sex and the City.

I am a self proclaimed SATC junkie. 
I have the full series on dvd plus the two movies. I have the books as well. 

On my other blogs, I was doing{am still randomly} a series of posts called "What Would Carrie Do?" where I would talk about a relationship issue and then quote the show to make my points.
I decided few months back, to take that and make a full on single girl blog.  Clean Your Shorts: Cocktails, Lipstick Stains and Sex in MY City.

It does okay given it's not a daily or even weekly blog.  I just update it randomly when something relationship-ish happens to me or the people around me.

It's pink.  Sex and the City pink.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The fine line between Vegan and Vegetarian

So I was reading an article today, online about the top 10 items that Vegans can't/won't eat.

I've been a Vegetarian now for 10 years, and eat Vegan as often as I can.  Because of my disability I have no choice but to keep some dairy and eggs in my diet.

I have become a label reader in the last few years.  I do not eat anything that has marshmellows or gelatin in them, as they are made from bone marrow and other parts. This includes most yogurts.

I've never eaten seafood. Even before I was Vegetarian.  Just something that grossed me out growing up and I never got over the whole fact lobster are water bugs.

I also won't eat most versions of Asian foods, given the fact Oyster Sauce is a big ingredient.  Most salad dressings are off my personal list as well, because they are salted and thickened with anchovy paste.

So with all that said, I should be much thinner then I am right?   Yes and No.  Given my budgetary limits, I'm stuck eating the same few things all the time.  Most of which are still processed foods. I do my best to cook my own foods from scratch, but still bread and pastas are high in my diet. 
If you can afford to eat just fruit and vegetables all the time like I wish I could, you would be thinner too. When you can't afford it, you have to deal with the side effects and try to keep the weight to a reasonable level.

But But But...

I've lived with them for so long now. 

The characters in my novel.  It's going to be a full two years in March since I started writing it.  I'm on draft 6 now, but have hit so many large brick walls that I'm starting to wonder if I should just shelf it for awhile and move on to another story?

And the issues this manuscript has caused me so far.  A big part of the drama from last year had to do with it.  A couple of editors who made promises but did nothing but take my money. A local publisher who did nothing but make empty promises. And two online publishers who did nothing but make empty promises.  3 artists who agreed to do my cover art and I saw nothing from them.

Makes me wonder if it's still worth it?  I'm at the point where my novel doesn't inspire me anymore, it just seems like a tired mass of words now.  I think it might be time to put it aside for a few months and work on something new.

Yes? No? Maybe?

Day 2

So, if you checked out the original Ramen Noodles blog,  you know that my life last year sucked because

  • My writing career was in the toilet
  • A sports celebrity was causing me heartache online
  • My online business partners were bad choices
  • My family was causing me heartache
  • The winter was one of our worst in years and I was stuck indoors for nearly a month straight
  • My few friends were questionable
It was drama on top of drama on top of drama.

So, what's changed you are asking?  
This winter has been smooth sailing, one of our most mild Canadian winters yet. I have been able to get out a lot more.
I removed myself from the business partners.
I removed myself from all of my so-called friends.
I stopped panicking over every single little thing.
I cut back on my sports blog to almost nothing (last year I was working it 20 hours a week)
I had some minor success with my writing, ironically because of the sports celebrity.

What's the same?
My family is still giving me heartache
The sports celebrity is still giving me heartache, I'm just not letting it get to me like it did before.
I've been cooking more.

The only real downside is that I've gained a bit more weight.  Ten full pounds in the year.  Which puts me 35 pounds more then I want to be.  One of the main goals for this year is to get some of that weight off.
I'm going to try to do it 5 pounds by 5 pound goals. 

Monday, January 24, 2011

The Ramen Factors In How?

A few ways actually.    I had spent the last half of 2009 and the first half of 2010 living off of ramen noodles. Both because I was broke and because I had seen the movie The Ramen Girl.

I was set on learning how to make my own ramen.   After a year and a half, I still have not managed to get it right.  My broth is still bland and I have not even attempted to try to make noodles from scratch yet.  Kind of working my way up to that element.

The movie is about finding your true calling when you hit rock bottom.  A second chance story.
The lead character has just moved to Japan with her boyfriend only to get dumped less then a week there. She's left with no one, and nothing. Wandering into a noodle shop, she has a vision. Suddenly, she's cooking for the first time and finding her center.

It spoke volumes to me. 
I used to write stories about first love being the only love you find.  You're first job turning into your only career because it was your passion.  I did not care for start over stories.
Then I had my heartbroken in more ways then one.  Because of my disability, my career of choice which was working in television was cut short.  I would go on to have three more "careers" that would be cut short as well over the next several years all because of recurring back injuries.  I've fallen in love a few times, each time thinking that this guy is the man of my dreams, only to be left wondering why it never worked out? 
My next birthday in two months, I'll be 37. 

I'm making the best of what I have. 

Sort of like shepherds pie  with left overs.

Most of what I write now are start over stories.  I almost always have my hero recovering from a broken heart daring to love again.  Could be why Persuasion is my favourite Jane Austen story.

The challenge

In the book turned movie Julie/Julia,  Julie Powell decided to blog a full year of her successes and failures of working from cover to cover of Julia Child's most famous cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking. 

This made her one of the first major online blogging celebrities, and the Queen Bean of foodies (yeah I know same thing said in a different way)  She's inspired millions of us since.  And part of the reason I started both my own cooking blog two years ago and last years Ramen Noodles blog.

Since then, my cooking has improved slightly.

I've also discovered Top Chef.  My latest addiction. I've made a few very bold statements on my cooking blog about doing some of the smaller challenges from Top Chef. Mostly the vending machine/gas station  challenge.  In other words, the only ingredients I'd be allowed to use other then salt/pepper/oil  would be whatever I find in a gas station corner store and/or vending machine.  Price limit $20 total.

I've not set a date for this Top Chef challenge, only that I will do it this year (2011)  I'll keep you posted as to when I do it, and how it turns out.

Osteogenesis Imperfecta

I have that.

My sister has it and my mom does. I've been hit the worst with it.

O.I. Type 1.   Known as the brittle bone disease.  I fall I break, I bump into things I break.

Winter is a bitch and ice is my enemy.  If I were a comic hero my nemesis would be called "Black Ice"

Here is the wiki link for Osteogenesis Imperfecta

No sports, no running, no biking, no skating, no outdoor activities of any kind. Yeah my life sucks goat balls. This also means I am on Disability Assistance for life. Really makes you hot to the men being totally broke all the time don't it?

Day 1

This is day one 364 to go

Last year, I had hit a bit of a rock bottom.  In my family life, my social life and my work life.
I had started what was originally an anonymous blog where I let loose all of my emotions, good and bad about who, the how and the what  that was affecting me.

It did not stay anonymous for long. I just could not keep it that way.

The original plan was to blog about one full year of my life.
I failed in the sense that I did not make it a year.

I was successful in one thing though, I got rid of most of the drama that was making my life hell. Basically the reasons I had hit that rock bottom to begin with.

I do miss that old blog on some levels though.  So, here I am, re-modeling it - as drama free as I can get it. Focusing more on the good points that did come out of last year's mess.

So this would be day 1. Only 364 days left to go.