I decided that I wanted to do a new photo to use on the internet as my signature, as the one I use now is a year old.
So, I did my make-up, got into this sexy little number and took some photos.
I don't know how other women do it. I see models and actresses doing these photo shoots all the time, and they don't look at all uncomfortable. Me, I looked like a beached whale in the good shots and a drag queen in the bad shots. Or maybe it was the other way around... either way, I felt ridiculous.
You see the average woman doing these tarty shots all over the internet on a daily basis, and none of them look like they are feeling the embarrassment of it all.
I took close to 30 shots, deleted over half of them, and in the end found two that I wasn't totally horrified by.
I turned one into a photo thingie for Valentine's Day. Which, I'm debating on if I will post or not. It was a comical shot. But I am in my very pink bra. So, you know...
I don't know. Part of the reason I did this was because I've been feeling like I need to feel... sexy. I know that I don't feel attractive, or sensual, or even human. And I also know that unless I start to feel confident with myself, I'm not going to attract a guy.
It's this confidence and self sexiness that I'm having the utter most disbelief in.
I read the book He's Just Not That Into You this afternoon and came away from it feeling like I should just not be alive. I know the book is suppose to make you feel powerful, but it just made me feel like crap.
I have to remind myself, the book was written from the practical side of things and not a spiritual one. But even that today isn't making me feel any better.