Thursday, May 5, 2011

Day 101

I missed a day.  Sort of on purpose sort of not.  Not sure how I feel about it, given I wanted to do a full year.  I realize I have more posts then days, as there were times when I blogged more then once a day.

I'm awake at 5:30 am.  For no reason other then I have been having bad insomnia again.  Could be why I'm so exhausted all the time.  My buddy M. asked me if I'm doing more then normal to make me so damned tired?  No. The answer is no.  I think it's the opposite actually.   I never break out of routine. 

I get up at 7:30am every morning (other then today) check emails, have a coffee, blog.
I get showered, dressed, and make sure I have everything and then set out to mother's.
I lug my latest book for review with me to and from her place.  
I hit the grocery sometimes more then twice a day. Chatter with the stockboys and checkout staff, and the people in mother's building that are always walking their dogs.
I spend about an hour texting with my buddy M. during his lunch break.
I make lunch and watch Bold and the Beautiful, and the wrestling replays from the nights before or a movie with mom.
Depending on what day it is, I either do mom's laundry, or go with her to a doctor's appointment.
I make supper. 
I read the book for review in the mist of all this while listening to mother chatter on about the lives of people on Facebook I do not know and have never met.
I do mother's dishes and get home.
Read some more of the books for review, check emails again, blog once more.  This is coffee time too.
Few more texts with buddy M. and in bed by about 11pm

My routine rarely wavers anymore.  One Sunday every two months is book club. Which as you know has been a whopping failure. I have had maybe one night in 9 months where I was able to spend real time on my novel where I actually had some inspiration. 
This routine is killing me.  Emotionally, spiritually, creatively. 

There was a time I used to write, paint/draw, do video productions, sing (badly) and spend my time between a television studio and the coffee houses/donut shops.   I had a social circle that consisted of actors, other writers, poets, many many musicians, a fashion designer, a hair dresser who would show up every second day with some crazy dye job done, a few gay male go-go dancers. We even had a local politician. And all their groupies/hangersoners.
I never lacked for inspiration.

What happened?   Everyone got married and moved away and just changed.  Life happened. 
Now, I'm left dealing with my O.I. and trying to figure out what I should be doing.  What I want to be doing is traveling.  Meeting these kinds of people again in mass.   Only, because of my O.I.  it's left me on disability and that leaves zero money for traveling. 

Well, that's where my mind is today.  I think I will take the advice of Kristin  from the Bon Bon Rose Girls , who left me a comment the other day.  Take a break from blogging for a while.

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