Thursday, February 16, 2012

222 b

It's been a really bad and weird week for me.
Ever get tired of being you?  I totally understand why certain actors won't sign on a series for more then four years, and why the average tv show is 6 or 7 years. You get bored.  Why the term seven year itch is so popular. 
When I was a teenager, I was given a nic name. I used that nic name in my work.  It became a name I used for some of my main characters when I wrote, and it became who I was.  Or more rightly I became who the name was. Half my work is signed under that particular name. I kept it too until I was in my early thirties.  For twenty years I was that character.
I chose to create a new character when I was 32. It was meant to be a short lived thing. Meant to be used only for about a year in a film and online. 
The persona took over my daily life. It's been six years and don't know right now if I want to still try to fit into the mold of this uber me.  This heightened sense of self.
I keep thinking, that I should never have taken that first photo of myself without the wig and costume. Maybe then I wouldn't feel like I was trapped somewhere between the character and me. But I did and I am.
I keep hearing the phrase "it's a transitional time"  in conversations and seeing it in astrology and tarot card readings.  I am thinking I need to really take that term to heart.
I mentioned the other day that the Three of Swords card has been coming up all week in readings, and that it means the end of something. Usually either a relationship or the end of a cycle. 
That card has got me thinking.   Dude I'm bored.  I've also put so much energy into the last few years of my life, into being this persona.  My physical health has never been great, but now my emotional health is taking a dive too.  I'm stressed out and anxious about nearly nothings, and a lot of it has to do with trying to keep up with the creature I've made myself into.
So a few of you are thinking, why am I posting this here and not on my main blog?  Well, this is the blog that is suppose to be calm and quiet.  The no-bullshit blog.  So, this is me laying down my sword for the moment.

P.S.  the movie post tomorrow will be late for those following the movie challenge blog

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