Day 340

Just before I woke up few minutes ago, I had a dream.  In the dream, I was looking the way I had about 9 years ago. Short spikes of platinum blonde hair, pale skin the colour of baby powder, 70 pounds lighter, and I was singing and dancing in my dream.

Yes, I've gained 70 pounds in the last couple of years since my car accident but that's another topic for another time.

But the point was, in the dream, I was extremely happy.  And for a few seconds as I was waking up, I felt that way to my core.  Totally beyond joyful.

Then I realized I'm still currently on the sofa at my mother's with a massive bandage on my knee and reality was back.

The point though I think of the dream, was the feeling.  I don't know if it was to let me know I can and will feel that wonderful again, or to remind me that I am capable of feeling that great?

Anyways, that's my goal, to feel that way again. No matter if I manage to get looking like that again or not.  And given how difficult it's been to loose the weight again since my injuries, I have to accept that I might not.  
The hair is easy enough if I pay a stylist, but my skin doesn't seem to want to behave now that I'm older.  I go outside for two minutes and I seem to burn which just doesn't bounce back like it used to. 

Work on getting the knee back into proper working order, maybe I can be strong enough on it to still sing and dance around the kitchen. Recapture the feeling in the dream.

Hope that anyone who reads this today is dancing and singing too.

Day 197

Day 51 on the movie de jour is up.

Another one of my uber early mornings.  Not insomnia just way early because of the the neighbours.  But why waste the time right?  Right.

Okay, book wise, my Debbie Macomber addiction has to stop!  Seriously, I picked up two more of her's when I was out yesterday. 
Not going to lie, her books are part of what has me trying to learn to knit. It's the big theme in all her novels.

And it would seem, I have bought all the wrong fabric for my quilt.  All but what I have planned to use for the backing of the quilt is a polyester. I picked up a flannel for the backing.  But it would seem, that for quilting, I'm being told to stay away from polyester.   Lovely, screwed up right out of the gate. See, I knew the quilting project would take me a few years.

Day 196

Movie de jour is now posted. Day 50!

I went to the cinema today to see me some vamps and werewolves.   I'm very happy now yes.

Don't you hate how popcorn gets stuck in your teeth... I hate that. Totally.

That's really all I have to say for now.  It's gotten very very cold here again,  -15c with I have no idea what the windchill is, but I really wished I had more then one thin pair of gloves.

Day 181

The movie de jour is up.  Day 35

I've been talking on my main blog and I think on this one, for awhile now about doing sewing projects.  I was originally going to try a dress but that didn't pan out.   My other project is a quilt. 
My mistake on that was trying to get my mother's help on it.  Which ended in nothing but her hissing at me about not cutting the material.  

How can you make a quilt if you do not cut the squares??????

So, being the book person I am,  I decided to get myself a book on quilting.   Quilting for Dummies.   Yes, a "for dummies" book.

It arrived yesterday and all I can say is this could take me all year.  I had no idea there were so many tools involved with it.   Shaped rulers, cutting wheels, steam machines, wooden frames, stencils, with a totally different approach if you're doing it by hand then if you are with a sewing machine {I'm doing it by hand as no one I know has a machine}

Scratch that, this could take me well into 2014.

174 Plan B

I've always had a soft spot for the story of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.  It's something I refer back to often in my life. 

I know this is a drama free zone, but I sort of feel the need to talk and this is the blog I've talked most about my health issues on recently. 
Monday will mark 7 weeks since I broke my foot.  Took the bandages off today then had to re-bandage two toes as they are still not healed which I realized when I tried to take a step without anything of a wrapper support. 

I cried.  Not from the pain which I've gotten semi-used to, but from the look of the two still not fully healed toes. 
They're slightly misshapen now.   I know in the grande scheme of the world that's not even a grain of salt in the mines.  But for me, it's one more stab at my self-esteem because of my O.I. 
37 years of broken bones, crushed vertebrae, herniated discs, a collapsed lung,  plates, pins, rods, screws, and scars. Not too mention the arthritis.
I've used a cane for a large chunk of my life and have to have orthotics in my shoes.  Athletic sneakers all year round never anything that can be called girly or pretty and never ever heels.   Reason I wear jeans all the time or yoga pants because why bother getting dressed up in a skirt when you know your shoes will destroy the outfit... I digress here...

So my now still not healed but misshapen toes will when they do heal, will have to be refitted for another pair of orthotics because the old ones were molded to the shape of my feet. 
That's going to cost about $350 - ironically the price of a pair of strappy black slingbacks.

Yeah, having a total Frankenstein day right now.  Feeling very castle freak. 

Day 158

Writing.
Since I was 3 years old, since the first time I picked up a crayon and started to learn to print my name; I have been writing.  That was until last year when at age 36 I stopped.
Oh there have been dribbles of things in the last year and a half,  a page here, a paragraph there, the oddly strung together sentence scribbled on sticky-notes; blog posts mostly.
I've been doubting myself for the last year and a half.  After 33 years of writing, of knowing I was a writer, of dreaming of nothing but having my novels and poetry published; I stopped.  Something in me just shut down.
Writing.
What I love about it is that you get to design everything, get to say all the lines.  Be as witty and beautiful as a movie star or model.  To think up the clothes, the hair dos, the music choices.  Things you might not be able to do physically in the real world. 
I could never be a clothes designer.  It's not something I can figure out. Sewing, knitting etc.  I've tried and everything comes out looking like rags.   But I can describe it when I write a character.
Place them in dark jeans, sneakers, a grey tee with a faded logo for a band I thought of. Give them some talisman or simply have them wear nothing but their boxers.
Writing.
I managed to write two pages of something early this morning.  A vague skeleton of a scene simply because I thought of a man and a match book cover.
In a few months, I'll be turning 38 and I have to ask myself if I still think I can get over the doubt and get back to writing. 
Really writing...

Day 136

The September Issue for 2011 is out.  Picked it up yesterday.  My magazine buying has been here and there in the last few years.  I no longer look at them as needful but as treats.  

The September Issue is a needful thing. 

I had it with me when I went to mother's and she asked me why I was carrying a telephone book?   When I showed her what it was, she snatched it up and started to flip through it then made the comment about it just being filled with ads for clothes.  

Yes say it with me now.... awww mom's first Vogue.

Seriously, mother has never read a fashion magazine.  She reads the ones that tell you how to decorate a turkey with popcorn stuffing and how to loose water retention in five easy steps.  But something like Vogue, Fashion, Elle,   she wouldn't know it if it slapped her.  Which it nearly did given the weight of the issue.  She dropped it and almost ripped the pages out.  I have to remember not to bring my paper toys to her place anymore.

Okay, so I'm in a slightly swell mood this morning, even though I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. 

P.S.   Mom is now hooked on Charmed.   Of all things, Charmed!  I was flipping channels few days ago at her place, waiting for Sex and the City on the CosmoTv network which has very edited episodes of SATC; so it's okay to watch in front of mom. {she has an issue with swearing, nudity, sexual content and mature subject matter. Watching anything with her is a pill}  And the show Charmed comes on right before SATC. 
She is sort of digging on SATC but I end up having to explain things because it's the show is edited for content and time.  I've offered to bring over my dvds cause I've got SATC complete collection but no, she says she'd rather watch it on tv where they've edited out "all the bad stuff". 

Well here's to being fashion forward today.

Day 133

With this week having been the release of two vampire films, one on dvd the other in cinemas, I've spent a fair bit of time working on my vampire blog.   Which, I'm sure after next week will be a quiet place again for who knows how long.

With that said, I decided to turn going to the movie - I went to see the remake of Fright Night- alone, into a "date".
I go to the movies by myself all the time, so there is nothing radical about that part.  But I never bother to get pretty.   I normally just roll out of bed catch the first bus and slump into the cinema, hiding in the dark.

Yesterday, I decided to make an event of it.  That included doing my nails - new colour called Grey's Anatomy-  hair and make-up -black shadow, a light pink and a silver which mimicked the nail colour-, picking out an outfit - this great grey-lavander wrinkle top from Smart Set- and making sure my iPod was fired up with tunes from past vampire soundtracks.  Anything that made me feel powerful, sexy and just upbeat.

There was a time when I used to spend hours every day getting ready to go out.  And I do mean hours.  Not anymore.   If it takes me more then five minutes to do my hair and make-up, I just don't bother.

The movie was fabulous and even though because of the heat, I ended having to change my top for a planer tee,  I still felt sexy.  

Yes I screwed up on the day. The link says 134 but I spotted my mistake and changed the title to 133