Saturday, April 2, 2011

Day 69

I'm trying to sort out how I feel today.

I'll explain with as little drama as possible.   I had a coffee with one of members of book club today.  And all I could think about was the large diamond on her hand.  Cause I was thinking only "when's it my turn?" 
So, when I was coming home, I kept bumping into these packs of guys.  It's the nice weather, brings them out in packs, like wolves.  A few were hot looking.  None I would want anything to do with, but hot enough that I noticed. 
I also noticed that a few odd ones here and there noticed me in passing. 

Stopped in at the grocery before coming home at the end of the day, and 3 of the hot guys who work there that I have had crushes on were on shift at the same time today. 
One of which, I've talked about few times,  Express Checkout Guy.   Anyways, he was working the tile next to where I was in line.   Just cause he works the express line, does not mean his line moves fast as it's always backed up with chicks of all ages trying to score him. 
So I was in the next line over, talking to the lady working.  The whole time, I had the intense urge to look over at Express Checkout Guy.  And when I did, he was standing a few feet away talking to an older lady.  I kept feeling as if he was wanting my attention.  But when I moved a few feet in his direction, he got called over to the self serve check out. 

I left.  Walking home I started to play the events of the day over in my head.  Trying to sort out everything.  One thing I could not get past is the fact that ECG over the last few months always seems more animated when he sees me then when he talks with other people in the store. 
I've had one of his coworkers tell me I need to pay more attention to him, as he has a crush on me.  If that's true, then why hasn't he done anything about it? 

More importantly,  why have I not sensed it?   If he's attracted to me in any form, shouldn't I know?  Not guessing and wondering but actually feel something ?  A few butterflies or something? 
The guy is totally cute to the point he literally has a non-stop line up of women fifty deep every few hours trying to get his attention.  

Then I started to think back to the last time I had a real honest sexual attraction to a guy, where there was no doubt in my mind.   It's been years.  Most guys might get my attention for a brief few seconds as I'm walking past them, some might even get me to look forward to bumping into them if I know they work somewhere I frequent. 
But none have had my heart beating triple time, or my skin hot at the thought of them or my pulse race in years. 

Obviously I'm missing some information here.  If ECG's coworker was right about him liking me, shouldn't I have more of a reaction from him?

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