Day 118

19 weeks into the blog.

It's one of those days where I keep going around and around on the internet without any direction. Just kept hitting my blogs today, thinking I should post something but not really having anything to say.

I realized that I'm stalling on some  all of my cooking stuff.  I have been saying how I want to do a few of the Top Chef challenges, how I want to do a similar challenge to what Julie Powell did back a decade ago with the Julie/Julia project.
And I have not because I know I need to give up being a vegetarian to do anything properly in the way of cooking challenges.
I would love to work with Foie Gras.  Yes, I know so not politically correct but damn it, it's something I would love to work with just once.  But, I should re-learn how to make turkey and chicken again before doing something like that. 
I've been a vegetarian now for 10 years.  At this point, I can not even be near meat when it's cooking, it makes me sick to my stomach the smell of it.  Which is why I know if I do decide to make that decision to go back to eating meat in order to delve deeper into cooking, it's not something I will be doing on a whim.
I keep telling myself that as soon as one of the following happens that I will make that turn in my diet:

A) When I finally get to move
B) The next boyfriend that I get involved with if he's not a vegetarian himself that I will stop being one in order to cook for/with him
C) If I ever end up knocked-up
D) When I finally get to go on a trip somewhere I'll give up being a vegetarian so that I can make it a culinary trip

There is just something about the idea of making that step while still living in this apartment, still living alone, still .... having this life I'm living right now,  that feels wrong.  I can not make it seem to make any sense other then that. 
I did not become a vegetarian till after I moved into this apartment.  It's just part of the psyche of this place for me.