Food Personalities

I'm watching an episode of Chuck's Day Off online, and few things popped into my mind.

1. I started thinking about my favourite cooking shows and why they are
2. I started thinking I might have to very soon go back to eating meat after a decade of being vegetarian
3. Damn, Chuck Hughes is gorgeous, where can I find a guy who looks that good and cooks?

I'll tackle #2 first.   I used to cook meat, I used to eat meat all the time. I have to say, I've been missing it on a cooking level for the last while.  I think mostly because I have been so addicted to cooking show, and I want to be able to really start cooking again.  Not to say that I'm not, but I've been a vegetarian now for ten years.  I became veggie because all my friends at that time were and they used to come here for dinner couple nights a week.  I got sick and tired of making two versions of things that I started to cook just vegetarian on the nights they came for dinner.  Then next thing I knew, I was cooking vegetarian every night.  Now, those people are long since gone from my life for various reasons, and I find myself very bored with the cooking I'm doing and want to start cooking some of the stuff I've been seeing on the cooking shows, on other blogs, and in the cook books.  I just want to expand my cooking talents.  So, I think I maybe heading off the turnip truck soon.

#1 My favourite cooking shows.  I loved watching PBS on the weekends when I was a kid cause that's where all the cooking shows were.  Julia Child, Justin Wilson, Jeff Smith the frugal gourmet , Pasquale, James Barber(urban peasant) They were all just so unique. 
The only really "modern" chef I really liked watching is Michel Smith with his Chef at Home series. And of course Chuck Hughes.

Day 36

Mom wanted to see one of the Tyler Perry Madea movies.  So I got myself over to blockbuster and picked her up two - Diary of a Mad Black Woman  and Madea's Family Reunion.  We watched the first one, and at some point tomorrow I suppose we'll get around to the second one.

The girl who works at the blockbuster was going on about how these are some of her favourites of his work. As a line up of rowdy teenaged boys started to fill behind me.  I think she was chatting away about the movies just so she had to make them wait because they had been loud the whole time I had been searching for the dvds.

We were chatting about the films for a minute and I asked about the newest one For Coloured Girls  but it was completely rented. What we both noticed about his movies, is that here in Canada, they aren't promoted the same way they are in the U.S.  Here, they are promoted with the Christian angle top heavy.
Which is, I know, why my mom loves his movies. 

With all the remakes happening in the movie world, I would love to see a movie about Faith, like the Tyler Perry films, but from the angle of another religion.  I guess I'm just pissed off that the only time you see a movie with a positive spiritual message it's Christian slanted and every time you see a movie about Wicca/Paganism/Buddhism/ etc it's always done as a horror/sci-fi  film.  It's no wonder people get the wrong idea about Wicca/Paganism because Hollywood keeps doing films the same way.

I think Practical Magic is one of the very few that shows a positive side of Wicca/Paganism and it still is jumbled with the Hollywood stuff.


This post started off as a "this is what I did today " post and is getting a bit on the heavy side. Which proves once again, having a drama free zone is very hard to do. 

Okay, that was today's adventure, now off to make a cup of coffee

Day 35

Bad tummy.

Sitting here watching Food Network Canada shows online.

Having mint tea.

Days, Age and Intent

So I mentioned earlier that I am part of our local Intenders for the Highest Good  group.

One of the biggest things about the group, is always speaking your personal truth.

I've also talked about how I am about to turn 37 in a matter of days (3 weeks)  only I don't feel like I am.  I know I do not act my age.  And I can not tell you how often I've had people try to set me up with their sons or grandsons who are barely 20 years old, because they thought I was much younger.

Do I feel anywhere close to 36 turning 37?
No.
I feel more like I'm 16 turning 17.   

Could be why I only am interested in guys who are in their late 20's-early 30's?

And you are asking, why am I blabbling on about this tonight?   Honestly, I'm not even sure myself. I had a few odd things happen in the last few hours and it's got my mind racing everywhere.  This is where my thoughts took me in the last twenty minutes.

To how I feel about how I view myself.

The Chariot

On my main blog, I've been doing a series of posts off and on, about Tarots.

Usually when one pops up in readings on a regular basis.  When that happens, something you really need to pay attention to, you might have brushed off as being unimportant.

The last few weeks the Chariot has been hounding me.  (This is from the Robin Wood deck)
It's the 7 card in the deck.

It's meaning - finding balance between two inner conflicts in order to move on to the next phase in your life.  It's a card of wild energy, of blindly running forward without really thinking, travel, work and just making two sides that shouldn't connect, connect.

If you read my last post, then you know what I'm getting at here.  I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out.

Day 34

Just when you thought it was safe to move on in your life... you read something that makes you wonder if you made the right choice.

I've been moving steadily away from wrestling. Both in reviews and in being a fan.
You've heard me say that I spent 90% of the last few years blogging and talking about and watching wrestling.  Been a fan since I was 5 -that's 32 years now-
My wrestling columns were my baby. It became the core of my drama too.

I read something today that sort of sent a chill of ... something through me.  There are a bunch of new fans out there doing what I was doing just last year.  Just like I was doing. Same format. 

The feeling was like when you bump into your ex boyfriend with their new girl and you realize their life is just swell as if you never existed.  It stings for a few minutes then you remember why it just didn't work out for you in the first place. You almost want them back but you know better.

I miss how doing the wrestling commentary anchored me. I miss seeing my stuff showing up in skits and the blog of my favourite tag team.

I do not however, miss the panicking of not getting a review done within a certain time because my blog readers were hitting my blog every half hour looking for it. 
I do not miss the headaches from having to watch an episode for 5 hours to get the play by play of each move then spend another hour taking screen captures.
I do not miss the feeling that if I talked about anything else on my blogs, that people would leave and stop reading.

And in the end, yes I lost almost all my blog readers (who I call my Spudguns) but I'm betting dollars to donuts they are the ones who in fact picked up where I left off, and are most likely the fans I'm seeing around the internet who are doing this on a full time basis.

Not to be cocky, but there are days that I miss it horribly, and days when I'm smiling cause I was a trend setter even if only a few of us knew I was.

The big thing I learned from the Life Coaches and Intenders group that I have been working with/for the last year, is that when you are constantly feeling like you are swimming against the current and not with it, that you are doing something that is not the right thing for you at that point in your life.  Even if it's something that worked well before, the second you feel like it's moving through quicksand, the good it might have been doing for you is done. It's something to move on from.

I know at some point down the line I'll get back to it full on. But for now, I have to be happy with the fact it did what it was suppose to when it was suppose to have, and introduced me to the people it was suppose to for the reasons it was suppose to have.

Day 33

Nothing really to report.

Was at mother's most of the day, watching wrestling -last night's NXT that she taped for me.

Then came home and finished off the book review for Staying at Daisy's by Jill Marsell.

Shall be an early night I think.

Round and Round

Okay, it's one of those days where I just ended up dislodging half a shelf hunting for something.  And kicked up a mountain of dust in the process.
No, of course not, I did not find at all what I was looking for. 
Which just means now I'm dusty and sweaty and tired.
And that also means in about a month or so when I don't need the item it will be the first thing I put my hands on when I go looking for something else.

I'm nearly finished the latest book for review "Staying at Daisy's". Which I need to get back to reading.  Off to make a cup of tea.

Day 32

All the horoscopes this week are talking about how the planets are getting together in Pisces, and therefore, nothing this week is what it seems.

Today's, scope talks about a big truth blasting at me that will rip my world apart.

Right, what a nice way to wake up this morning Eh?  Have the fear of Neptune put into me.  I'm going to be paranoid all day now wondering when the big evil hits.

Was going to do my taxes yesterday, while I was at my mother's.  Got mid way through and was thrown for a loop. They changed few things here in Ontario over last year, and there were nearly four extra pages of stuff that we weren't expecting.  So today's adventure I believe will be trying to sort out the extra stuff.

Day 31

Wishcasting Wednesday for Feb 23rd 2011
It's wish day over on Jamie Ridler Studios.  And this week's question is, "What do you wish for your home?"

That is too easy.   I wish for a new one.  
I've been living in this apartment now for 11 years.  It's my first apartment and was only meant to be a transitional one for a year or so.   I'm on disability and have been on a wait list now for the last few years, waiting for them to find me a new place . It sucks.

So my wish is that housing finally moves me into a better apartment.

Day 30

30 days into this.
It flew by actually.  So weird.

I'd done a countdown for Hallowe'en during the month of October on my main blog, and it dragged on painfully at times.  I couldn't think half the time on what to post.  I ended up reposting stuff from my old vampire review blog for half of the countdown.

Then, I had decided to build a new vampire themed blog.  I think I have five posts on it.  That too has lost it's edge for me.
That is my issue right now.  Nothing makes me happy anymore.  I used to be a die hard vampire fan from the time I could crawl till about four years ago.  Then, I just lost interest. That was 32 years of being a die hard vampire fan.  I got turned off from it because it became the thing. I admit I still get little excited when a new vampire movie comes out, but it's the books that upset me.
When I was a kid, vampires where something to fear. Now, they're either weepy "vegan gentlemen"  or slutty hardcore lesbians.
What happened?  When did the vampire go from horror to well whores?

Wanna hear the ironic part of all this.  I get a list every few months of books I would like to review from this one publisher. They have an erotic vegan gentleman styled vampire novel coming out next month.  I turned it down because it's just what I hate about how the vampire has turned in the last few years.  They sent it to me anyway. Some mix up in shipping and I got sent the very thing I was politely trying to stay away from. 
I'm reluctant to review it.  I really do not want to read it.

Monday afternoon

I decided the other day that I was going to change how I do my main blog.  So I posted about how I was feeling, and what I was hoping to do with the direction of it. 
The plan is one topic a week.  One post per week for a while.

That was how I started blogging almost 7 years ago.  If something got my attention good or bad, I would sit down and rant about it. Spending the time it really needed to be a decent column.

So I decided today, to go to an online magazine that I contribute to off and on for the last few years. The idea was to read over my old articles on there and get back into that groove. 

I found an article I had started last summer and was still in draft.  Wow. That really didn't get me very far.  I did finish the article, if you want to call it that, and sent it for publishing. 
I did not however, get inspired.

I am truly starting to wonder if I am burnt out as far as creativity goes.

Day 29

Another bad night that I had troubles sleeping.  Insomnia. One of the many things you get with early menopause.
I have not hit the hot flashes yet.  Which is good.  From what I have been told, once you do you're into the last year or so before total menopause hits.
I'm still in my thirties. This whole thing just does not seem right to me.  But I suppose, early menopause is better then some of the other things my doctor was originally thinking was wrong with me.

I had skull splitting headaches and ended up with MRI after MRI for nearly a year. Each came back clean.
Mood swings that would make men shake.  Again the tests all came back clean.  So I'm not crazy and I'm not suffering from any tumors.
Just good old fashioned early menopause.  Sort of a relief when you think about it.

Until the insomnia and the headaches become so common nothing works on them. Then you just get cranky all the time because you are over tired.

That's where I am this morning. Haven't even had a coffee yet. I think I get on average 3 and a half hours of sleep a night.

Sunday Afternoon

I was able to get out today.  Went to my mom's to watch wrestling from this past Friday that she had taped for me.
I had the place to myself as she ended up going for Brunch with my Aunt and Uncle and the kids.
For the first time in months, I did a short wrestling review.  I'm seriously wondering if I should get back into that. 
Since I stopped, I've seen more then a few fans online suddenly doing wrestling commentary and recaps.  All video stuff.  Mine is a blog.  The few videos I have done, were reviews of wrestling dvds. 

I know I said I wasn't going to get back into it. It was a big chunk of what caused the drama the last year. And I had driven myself insane doing the reviews, spending around 20 hours a week on them.
I'm not completely sure I want to go back to that. 
I'm not completely sure I don't want to go back to that either.   I guess I'll just sort of hang out on that one and see where it flies.

I noticed something today for the first time.  The last ten books I've done for review have all been British authors.  I seriously don't know how that sneaked past me.  The main publishing company I review for are doing re-releases. Books that have been out in Europe for the last couple of years but only now being released in Canada/America. 
I think I failed to notice before today because I do reviews for 5 publishers and have even done a few for authors who have self published.  It gets confusing after awhile.

Tomorrow in Canada it's Family Day.  Most things will be closed.   I have to find a way to get to the post office on Tuesday as I have a book or books, not sure how many,  waiting for me that I won.  It might be something I can use for book club.  You would think that picking a title for book club would be easy, given I've decided to do one book every two months, but no it's not. 
Since I read so many fiction books for review, I like to pick non-fiction for book club.

If the book or books that I've won end up being fiction, then I am going to try to get my hands on a copy of the book "Committed"  by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I loved Eat Pray Love  when I read it last spring. I think that would make a good selection.  If not for April then for June.   My sister read it few months ago and said she loved it. Meanwhile, she hated EPL so go figure.

Sunday Morning

I finally got to sleep around 5:30am.
It snowed here, more then a little.  Looks to be ankle deep outside.

I just spent the last fifteen minutes, reading Julie Powell's old blogs.  It's been awhile since I read her blogs. Or her first book for that matter.
I just finished few weeks ago her second book.  Talked about it here
Wondering if I should pick up her first book again, okay dig it up from the bottom of one of the deathly high piles of books I've already read,  and re-read it when I have some time?

When will I have time?  This is my stack right now for review.  I just finished reviewing "Exboyfriend's Handbook" but otherwise, this is my pile right now that I have to get finished before middle of April.  With another stack due any time.

I'm at the point where I don't want to be me anymore.

Day 28

How do you stay drama free?
I am starting to think that you can't. 

I read in my horoscope yesterday, that it's the little things in life that make or break us.  Which is true.  It's the little things you wouldn't think matter that are what in fact matter.

I'm sitting here at 4:13 am, unable to sleep because my mind is racing.  I'm feeling really hurt at the moment because of something that happened a few days ago.  A friend, scratch that, someone who I thought was my friend, has been avoiding me online.  Every time I would pop online, they would pop off, and if they saw my chat sign go to inactive, they popped back on.  Why am I letting this get to me?
They talked me into signing up for this particular chat box. Chat boxes are not something I like. This person also can't hold one conversation at a time. Always need to have a group chat going, or talking to me while they talk to whomever is home, or have two more conversations going with others in written chat.
Again, you're asking and I'm asking why am I letting this get to me?
I feel disrespected. I can't even count on one person to give me their full attention.

My mother is the same way.  With her, it's Facebook. All day long, she sits at her computer and interacts with people online through Facebook or plays games in there, but she ignores me when I come over.  If I call she spends her time not listening because of the Facebook, or if my sister is there when I call, she just tells me she can't talk cause my sister is there.  Yet, if I'm over and my sister calls, she talks for hours with her.
My sister lives two buildings away from my mother. They can see each other any time they want.

Yes, I'm hurt.
I'm just tired of being ignored.

Day 27

In the movie version of Under the Tuscan Sun,   the lead character Frances  starts off in the movie as a writer who instead of working on her own novel, is doing reviews of other people's very blissfully.
Then her world falls apart.  It takes her nearly two years before she makes any real changes in her life and moves to Italy. There she finds herself again, love, and her own writer's voice. There is no mention of her reviewer's job again till the end of the movie when not only does a damaged box of books arrives by mail, but she meets another writer who's book she gave a bad review to.

Something tells me I need to get myself a copy of the book it's based on.  Just the fact it's based on a real life. 
It's too similar to my life.   I review other people's books, (do not get paid for it would like to though) have no idea what to do about my own novel (been working on it for two years and just can't anymore) I haven't been on a trip in almost 4 years, need to move somewhere where the landlord actually bothers to fix stuff. 
I'm broke. On disability.   Have to wait for the city disability to find me a new apartment.  Been on a wait list for two years.

What I wouldn't give to be able to just... go.  Just stuff a few things in a small overnight bag and leave.  Maybe get some inspiration for my own writing again. 

As I said, I've been working on my novel now for two years.  I've gotten to the point where my own characters are boring me.  I wonder if I should just leave it as is and move on to start a new novel?
I feel bad about that, I've been working on these characters for so long, it feels like cheating.
Besides, nothing has inspired me in a very long time.  Afraid to call this writer's block even. More like writer's drought.

I think a trip somewhere else is the answer. Fresh people, fresh trees/seaside/air.  Just have no idea how to get there.

Romancing the Blog

I was just in a book group chat, and one member of the group whom I've never talked to before, brought up a few points about how blogs have become like cotton candy as of late. 
Nothing of substance just fluff. 

I agreed. 
Then I hit their book blog and liked what I saw.  From a reviewer's point of view.
They in turn hit my book review blog and cooed and gushed over my work. 

Could this be, reviewer's lust?  Two straight women who have found a partner in crime on the big wide web who happen to both feel the same way about a topic?
Is this normal?  Could I have found a friend who views the world as I do?  Or in blogging terms, is it a one-post stand?

The whole topic was started over her distaste for the ever popular meme.  Which I whole heartedly agree is defeating the purpose of blogging.   Blogs are for sharing a piece of yourself, or your topic of choice, not for selling ad space and seeing who can have 10000 followers in an hour.
Or, at lest those of us who have been blogging for awhile still feel this way. 

Link exchanges are nice, followers are great, comments by people who actually read your work is heaven.

Day 26

Wind storm here today.   Had freezing rain over night.
The plan of the day is now to sit at home and get the latest book for review done. With an many internet distractions to interrupt me as possible.

Actually, the latest book I have to review is a good one.  Just with it being a storm, everyone is home and on the internet today.  So it might turn into a good day for a chat.

I do have a few things I sort of want to dive into, but on keeping with the rule of having one drama free space online, I am debating on if I should post it all here or save it for my main blog?

Day 25

I tried to make the ramen last night with shanghai noodles.  I've never worked with them before. And of course, there was no directions on the package.
Needless to say, it turned out horrible.   They are just too doughy a noodle for what I was going for.

Our main problem is we do not have specialty stores here other then one Finish store on the far end of the city.  Everything else has to be bought at the normal grocery.  Not always the most informative people working there either.

Day 24

Wishcasting Wednesday -Feb 16th

It's Wednesday, and over on Jamie Ridler Studios,  the question this week is  "What aspect of your personality to you wish to express more of?"

That's a loaded question this week. No doubt, totally loaded.

If you've been reading my blogs for awhile, you know I am trying to make a clean break from the emotional crap in my life, that has been controlling me for the last few years. 
One of my biggest self barrier seems to be is that I have never really felt desirable, and my love life has been disappointing and disrespectful more so then not.
I've also been working the Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford for the past year.

So I guess my long winded answer this week is that I wish to express more of the feminine/sensual side of myself. AND to BELIEVE it.  Not just go through the motions. To believe and feel that I can manifest a honest and respectful love.

Day 23

There is a kitchen omen that if the right side of your body itches, it means your true love/soulmate is thinking of you.

I was talking on video chat last night with my friend who is a Medium, and she kept telling me to stop scratching.  I couldn't; the right side of my face today is tore up from all the scratching.

She figures because last night was Valentines that I was on a certain guy's mind.  Makes sense. 

Another kitchen omen is that when your ear burns someone is talking about you.  The whole time I was scratching, my ear was burning. 

I hope he was having ... uplifting thoughts about me last night.

oh and P.S.  I did go ahead and post a semi-steamy blog photo on my Clean Your Shorts! blog.  You know, the sex blog. 
I felt weird about it.  Even though my friend's husband said it didn't look like much at all.  I guess it really does prove that the minds of men differ from women.
Why did I you might be asking?   Like I said in the other post few days ago, I have to step out of my comfort zone.  Part of which is how I view myself and how I've been comparing myself to other women.
With friends who work as a Dominatrix, and in sex toy shops, it's an issue I really need to get over.

Day 22

Valentine's Day.

Normally, I get all upset, depressed, wanting to kill people on Feb 14th.  But today, I've been dealing better then usual.

Still not a great day, but a better one then history has lent to.

Finally gave in and downloaded the google email chat thingie.   Not one for those instant chats.

Day 21

I bought the flowers myself.

I went out to mom's, stopped off at the grocery on my way.  They had a ton of flowers on for Valentines' Day, so I thought, what the hell, I can eat ramen noodles for the rest of the month. 
I bought myself a single blue rose and these purple waxflowers.  They are like a sub-genre of babysbreath.

Beautiful. Just beautiful. 

Photo Finish

I decided that I wanted to do a new photo to use on the internet as my signature, as the one I use now is a year old.
So, I did my make-up, got into this sexy little number and took some photos. 

I don't know how other women do it.  I see models and actresses doing these photo shoots all the time, and they don't look at all uncomfortable.  Me, I looked like a beached whale in the good shots and a drag queen in the bad shots.  Or maybe it was the other way around... either way, I felt ridiculous.

You see the average woman doing these tarty shots all over the internet on a daily basis, and none of them look like they are feeling the embarrassment of it all.  
I took close to 30 shots, deleted over half of them, and in the end found two that I wasn't totally horrified by. 

I turned one into a photo thingie for Valentine's Day.  Which, I'm debating on if I will post or not. It was a comical shot.  But I am in my very pink bra. So, you know...

I don't know.  Part of the reason I did this was because I've been feeling like I need to feel... sexy. I know that I don't feel attractive, or sensual, or even human.  And I also know that unless I start to feel confident with myself, I'm not going to attract a guy. 
It's this confidence and self sexiness that I'm having the utter most disbelief in. 

I read the book He's Just Not That Into You  this afternoon  and came away from it feeling like I should just not be alive.  I know the book is suppose to make you feel powerful, but it just made me feel like crap.

I have to remind myself, the book was written from the practical side of things and not a spiritual one. But even that today isn't making me feel any better.

Day 20

Low energy day.
Just reading and avoiding people.

Not much to say.  Made another bread pudding last night for supper.

Feeling the weight of the fact we are two days away from Valentines and once again I am alone.

Day 19

This has become the hardest thing I've done. 
A drama free space.  Write something once a day that does not have a load of whacked out rants or freak outs about the people in my life.

I really thought I could turn the positive stuff into a blog and run with it. 
I keep telling myself, as the year progresses, it will be easier. 
I've never been the type to pick a certain day and blog on one topic on that day per week.  The Wishcasting Wednesday is the closest I've gotten to on that regard.  I usually just blog whenever I have time and on whatever it is that I want to talk about.  So I end up blogging anywhere from 10 times a day to zero a day.   My main blog I can go days sometimes without saying anything, and other times, well I blog every five minutes. 

The only blog that really had a schedule is the wrestling blog.  And that is only because the shows are once a week.

The weather here can't seem to make up it's mind if it wants to be winter or spring, and that's effecting my body like madness.  The O.I. has left me one big ball of arthritis.

If I actually get out of the apartment today as planned, then I might rent a movie. 

Day 18

Did everyone see last night's episode of Top Chef?   Season 8 Episode 9

If not, let me tell you why we love Richard Blais ... or I should say, why we continue to love him. And when I say "we"  I mean myself and other fans. 

Last night's episode, he made a ramen noodle dish.  Which, I bookmarked on my computer and plan on doing a version of it very soon.   The dude's amazing to watch.  He's another one I'd love to see get their own show... if he hasn't already. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to make a good broth for my noodles.

My Borrowed Voice

On my main blog, I have started these little posts the last week, I'm calling "To Blabble".  I've done three of them so far.
I had started them partly because I was trying to reach a posting goal and wanted little short things to be filler, and ended up doing them in a point form goofy style.
When I read the first two back out loud,  I realized what I had done.  I had made it feel much like the way the character Bridget Jones does in the movie. 
I don't really find that too surprising when I think about it, given it's one of my favourite book/movies. And I do blog often in the style of Sex and the City's character Carrie Bradshaw.
I think they are just two iconic female voices we automatically think of when we think of pop culture.

To Blabble  Style

Doing a rushed blog post that I will put on timer for later before heading out for the day.

Objective of day:  To get as much done as I can in only 3 hours before heading out with mother for her doctor's appointment.

Feelings on this:  Really dreading dreading dreading having to spend day with mother in both a stinky bus for 45minutes each way and then having to sit around all day in overcrowded doctor's office while mother has appointment.

Reality of this :  I have no way of getting out of it.

Conclusion of this report:  Must have a cocktail to survive

Day 17

Wishcasting Wednesday for Feb 9th 2011

This week over on Jamie Ridler Studios,  the question she's asking is "What do you wish to Dare?"

As I was writing that I was thinking  "I don't know what to say to that"  and then just as quickly almost like the rest of the sentence I thought  "I dare to step out of my comfort zone"  

And yes I need to do that.  With my disability, having to stay inside alot, it gets extremely easy to hide so to speak.  I have a routine down to the point I move in zombie mode most of the time. Why, simply because I have over time needed to stay careful. I used to have a spirit for things,  and a passion like a warrior, but in the last few years,  I've become dead energy.  I think that's why I started my Clean Your Shorts! blog,  to jazz it up.

So, the answer to that is I dare to step out of my comfort zone

Day 16

My sister's Godmother is Italian.  Her Godfather is French.  They are an overly adorable couple and have been married now for close to 45 years.

They own a pizza place in the corner of the South end of town.  Last summer I had asked if I could get some cooking lessons from her.
They said yes.  I'm still trying to schedule the first one, as they are always so busy. The restaurant is packed from open till closed, and they do specialty orders for catering throughout the day.
I am really wishing I had paid more attention growing up when my parents used to take me there for suppers.  They have no kids of their own, and the restaurant will be handed down to their Sous Chef.

Oh, and in case you were wondering,  No I do not have Godparents, only my younger sister does. Yeah I know it sucks sometimes to be me.

Day 15

My genre.  Sort of back to thinking and planning my novel but not really. 

I'm reading this one for review right now that is a Paranormal/Modern Romance.  Which is really nice after the year I just had of doing Historical Romance and Jane Austen sequels.
Dealing with ghosts, witches, vampires and werewolves ontop of the fact that this set of books has no "language restrictions" {they can say f*ck instead of the cheesy making love  that most romance novels are bound to rule wise} is just comfortable.  

This is how I write my own stuff. 

My own writing falls into those two classifications,  Paranormal Romance  and Modern Romance.   There was a time I used to write Horror, but the older I got, the more I've mellowed.

Last summer, on my main blog, I wrote a short about a vampire chef.  No I will not ever stop talking about that cause it got me noticed.  I dedicated it to my favourite wrestler, and the company he works for saw it, picked a few lines from it and turned it into a skit for one of the other wrestlers.  I'm still, 8 months later, giddy about that. 

Two years ago, I had gotten word about an online eBook company that was looking for erotic stories.  I decided to write something for their October releases.  It was an erotic werewolf story.  Which they turned down. I was upset over that whole thing because I followed their guidelines to the letter and I only had 3 days to meet their deadline.   But I guess because I wasn't in love with the characters I was creating, wasn't inlove with the story,  it came through. 
Erotica is not my genre. I was less then comfortable writing the story, but it was a good exercise because I had to step out of my comfort zone. 
The story, ended up being "published" online a few months later by a former "business partner"{big part of last year's drama} on a website.  The few people who actually read it, said there was too much sex in it. While, the original eBook publishers turned it down for the lack of sex in it. 
Go figure.
This short has been on my mind the last few days since getting the stack of Paranormal Romances for review, and I'm wondering if I should pull it out of my files and re-work it? 

Day 14

I was flipping through the book  Herbal Magick by Gerina Dunwich  and learned a few new kitchen omens.

• to avoid bad luck, always stir your tea in a clockwise direction and never stir the leaves in the pot prior to pouring
• it's bad luck for two people to pour out of the same tea pot 
• always put your sugar into the cup before the milk/cream or you will find yourself fighting with your spouse that day

There is a full two pages of these.  For anyone who reads my main blog, you know that I collect omens per say.  There is just so many little wives tales that exist and have merit.

Day 13

Well, morning actually.
Once again, I find myself watching the movie Julie/Julia  which I seem to be watching now about once a week.  This morning, I even watched the little feature on the disk on the making of.

In the making of feature, they talk about how both Julie Powell and Julia Child were at a crossroads in their lives.  One was about to turn 30 the other about to turn 40. Both felt like their lives were at a odd point.
The question asked to both was "what do you really love to do?"   Food seemed to be the answer.

While Julia Child wrote her way to food by co-creating a cookbook, Julie Powell cooked her way to a writing career by creating a blog about using the cookbook.

So what has all this to do with me right now right here in in 2011?
I'm going to be 37 in six weeks.  And I'm still wondering what it is that I love to do?   Shouldn't I have figured this out by now?

I keep trying my hand at different writing projects and yet... nothing has come of it. I've tried my hand at painting, poetry, singing, acting and still.... not feeling the love.

I could cook my way through someone's cookbook and blog about it, but that's already been done and started a massive trend of the theme.
My life raft for a long time was wrestling, and I blogged about it for the last few years. Now that doesn't even keep me afloat anymore.

So where does that leave me?
Watching the movie once again hoping to find a spark when I ask myself for the millionth time in the last two years .... "what do you really love to do?"

Taking a moment Killing time

Just finished another round of emails, and a blog post on my other site. Staring at a screen capture of one of my favourite wrestlers, and thinking.  Thinking about something I read about him online and was thrown back to a conversation I've had so many times over the years about so many different men.
That they are never the man we think they are. 

Or more likely, never the man we wish that they were.

We put a lot of pressure on the men in our lives.  No matter if they are our mates, our relatives, our friends or just our favourite celebrity,  we pile all this hope on them and then when they can not live up to our romanticized version we blame them when we should be rethinking our own self.

I've talked on here before about my novel  a little and how it's giving me heartburn as of late. 
I think part of that is that I lost the love I had for the man who was my main character base.  The guy that I physically modeled my lead after. 
I just don't love him anymore.

I find everything that he does now painful to hear and there is little respect left for him. Unfortunately that's translated over to my novel.  I've lost interest in my fictional version as well. 

Basically,  my lead character is not the man I thought he was. And like the real man he's modeled after, I have no idea how to deal with that realization.

Day 12

Morning.  Nothing too interesting today so far.  Haven't had coffee yet.
I did finish reading "Cleaving" by Julie Powell last night.  The review so to speak for it is here on my book club blog.

Will be going once again to mom's for the day.

My broth last night didn't turn out as I had hoped, it was too sweet.  That is because of the parsnips I am sure. I have to remember not to add them next time.

Supper last night was veggie stew.  I added potatoes, corn and peas to the turnip, parsnips, carrots and onion after I drained the pot to store the broth.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year. The year of the Rabbit.  I'll get more into that later on.

Day 11

Woke up this morning, checked emails as usual. Saw a few from the Wellness Center that I am on an email list for.
They're offering a new meditation class.  The weird thing is, that the lady is referring to herself in the emails by her first name. 
There was not a single part where she said "I am doing"  or "Come join me for".  Just makes you wonder if she's not thinking how it's going to look to people, or if she's just on a strange ego trip?

The Third Person mentions are always sort of creepy in my book.

Day 10

The day is actually over now.  It's almost 7pm.

Mom wanted to go to Walmart.  I hate walmart. But, it was what we did this morning.
Got back to mom's and it was laundry day, so hung around did the laundry, then she sent me to the grocery for some turnip for dinner. 
Ended up picking up a movie too and a cheese cake.  Very bad indeed.  I had just managed to loose the first 6 pounds, to now have to start over again cause we had cheesecake.

The movie was okay, one of those semi slap stick comedies that mom seems to really like.  Home Fries

My big plan for tomorrow is to make vegetable broth.  I know, sounds totally bitching doesn't it?   I was reading the ingredients on the boxed veggy broth at the store, and every brand had the same four things in it - water, salt, celery, carrot-   so I'm thinking, a box of broth is $5, but a stick of celery, a large carrot and a bag of parsnip combine is only $3.67.   Cheaper to make my own.

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year.  We will be entering the Year of the Rabbit.
Tonight, is Imbolic and a New Moon. 

Book Club Notes

Almost two full years ago, I tried starting a book club here in town. 
The first reply I got was from a guy who was also a writer, and very cute.  We met for coffee, but it seemed he wasn't really interested in the book club or me for that matter. He just wanted to talk about his own novel. 

Last spring, I got a reply about the book club from a lady who was taking a few months off from university.  It seemed like everything was going to click.  We met for coffee picked out a book and the first month went swell.
Then she just bailed.  Did not show up for the second book meeting, had one lame excuse after another for about three weeks as to why she couldn't meet up and then finally said she wasn't into the idea after all.

I had started an online Facebook group for the book club and got a few replies for the next month.  Everyone wanted to go see the movie version of Eat Pray Love.  It was a fabulous turn out. Okay there was 5 of us, but still, after the other two moments, this was heaven.  Only, no one else had read the book. They were there just for the movie.

Another two months went on with people saying they were going to be part of the book club then not showing up.  I got very depressed on the whole idea. 
Mind you, with all the books I do for review, I didn't even have more then three days at a time to devote to my own book club so I just let it slide for awhile.

Besides the Facebook group, I also started a Shelfari group and a blog just for it. 
Last month, I decided to open it up as an online book club.  To see if that would make any difference. I've gotten many hits to the book club blog, but nothing in the way of replies yet. I say yet cause I'm not giving up on it.  I'm stubborn and refuse to give up on something when I want it.

The book club blog is here   for anyone who might be interested. 

Day 9

Ugh!  It's already been one of those mornings.

As I said the other day,  I have terrible insomnia.   No matter what time I go to bed, I'm up at 2:30am.  Even if I don't go to bed till nearly 1am, I still end up waking up before 3am.  Then am up till nearly the sun coming up.

Last night, the same thing. 
Now, I have this rule, of no getting back on the computer after I have gone to bed for the night, no matter how bad the urge is.  Last night was one of those nights where I broke my own rule.  Got online, checked emails, and started to work on a new short story.

In the process of emails, I sent off one to one of the major press agents whom I do book reviews for. Just letting them know I got the latest review done the other day.
Seems I sent it to the wrong person.  Umm.... that's not good.   Right company, wrong division.  As I found out this morning from the polite but firm email I received telling me that the book in question is not part of her department but her coworker's and she will pass it on this time, but to be more careful next time I email them.

Great.  Haven't had coffee yet and already I get in trouble this morning.