Photo Finish

I decided that I wanted to do a new photo to use on the internet as my signature, as the one I use now is a year old.
So, I did my make-up, got into this sexy little number and took some photos. 

I don't know how other women do it.  I see models and actresses doing these photo shoots all the time, and they don't look at all uncomfortable.  Me, I looked like a beached whale in the good shots and a drag queen in the bad shots.  Or maybe it was the other way around... either way, I felt ridiculous.

You see the average woman doing these tarty shots all over the internet on a daily basis, and none of them look like they are feeling the embarrassment of it all.  
I took close to 30 shots, deleted over half of them, and in the end found two that I wasn't totally horrified by. 

I turned one into a photo thingie for Valentine's Day.  Which, I'm debating on if I will post or not. It was a comical shot.  But I am in my very pink bra. So, you know...

I don't know.  Part of the reason I did this was because I've been feeling like I need to feel... sexy. I know that I don't feel attractive, or sensual, or even human.  And I also know that unless I start to feel confident with myself, I'm not going to attract a guy. 
It's this confidence and self sexiness that I'm having the utter most disbelief in. 

I read the book He's Just Not That Into You  this afternoon  and came away from it feeling like I should just not be alive.  I know the book is suppose to make you feel powerful, but it just made me feel like crap.

I have to remind myself, the book was written from the practical side of things and not a spiritual one. But even that today isn't making me feel any better.